“My husband hates my big chop”
“Black men don’t look at me anymore”
“What’s with all these white men!”
I’ve heard it for years and chances are you have too. When the Isaiah Mustafa controversy came out this week my head hurt. Seems Mr. Old Spice wants a woman with “good hair” so his kids won’t be “nappy”. My twitter was about to track him down and I’m sure he’s quivering in a witness protection as we speak.
Of course he wants a woman with “good hair.” He’s probably spent his entire childhood watching his mother fight her hair. I challenge black women to think about how they considered natural hair when they were flat ironing 5 cm of re-growth peaking through a perm. I won’t chock his statements up to personal preference, but rather conditioning. Most black men were raised by black mothers, grandmothers, neighbors and aunties. Many times women will chastise female children to sit still and take the burning, while a male child is watching from the hall. Action speak...
I remember an article I read a few years ago in the NY Times. It was about the slow rate men’s fashion changes compared the women and how that affected designers. I can’t find the article, but if you find it PLEASE post the link in the comment section. A study found that by early 20’s, the way a man dressed tended to stay the same until they neared 45. This is perfectly demonstrated by my 40 year old boyfriend with hair to his butt and all black wardrobe including boots with shorts… yeah, I know (but he’s so cute!).
Every single time I’ve changed my hair in any way he has hated it for a month before falling in love with it. “I hate that color” he’ll say. Yet, 8 weeks later he’ll say, “don’t change that color.” I’ve had the same experience with haircuts, hair styles and yes… locs, twa’s etc with various men in my life. I don’t think black men are anti-natural hair. I think MEN are anti-change and relaxed hair is the norm for black women, taught by women and reinforced by society. As more women go natural, the norm will change and they will see natural hair are normal and beautiful.
We look pretty with our natural hair. I am fond of saying, big hips, butts, lips and eyes need big hair to set it off. Our hair usually flatters our features, it's soft and fingers sink into it like a pile of silk thread. Other races of men see this because they haven't been taught otherwise. Do your hair for you. When you struggle, look around to see who's watching. As for the men, they will sort it out on their own.